Bittersweet memories
by saphira404
Summary: AU After tragedy strikes, if given a chance to change things, would you take it? A Sesshoumaru/Kagura one shot. Rated T for language.


**BITTERSWEET MEMORIES**

A/N: Hello here's a new one shot from me. It's going to be drama filled, but I hope you have fun reading it. Even though the characters are human, they retain their usual physical attributes. Well otherwise they wouldn't be the same, no?

The story is in **Sesshoumaru's point of view** by the way.

Summary:**AU **_When faced with sad memories, if you could go back in time and change things, would you? A Sesshoumaru/Kagura one shot. Rated T for language._

_Disclaimer:_ I can only dream of owning these amazing characters…

**"If you could go back in time and change things, would you?"**

For a time this question haunted my thoughts. If I could, would I change things? Would I try to make them better? Would I even be able to? If I had to choose a moment when and where to start changing things, it would be there; yes, this was _the beginning of the end._

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I remember that day vividly; it was a bright Tuesday morning. I was running late for work, but in my defense my idiotic younger half brother Inuyasha was to blame. I just had to spend a very long and very annoying night listening to his incessant whining about which of his two women he should choose. This was a perfect example of why I would never allow myself to fall in love… or so I thought.

I was walking very fast on the street walk, and to be honest not really paying attention to my surroundings, when I bumped into someone. I looked up and was surprised to see that it was none other than a petite dark haired woman. Due to our difference in stature the impact only made me stagger, but on the other hand the woman almost fell backwards. Only acting by instinct, I reached for her with my hand, and prevented her from falling on the ground.

Despite my intervention, her hand bag managed to fall on the street walk and scatter around its contents. I may not look the part, but I am a gentleman. Only after a little hesitation, and without having to be asked, I crouched and aimed to help her pick up all the things that had fallen from her bag.

To my surprise she had already quickly gathered everything, and all that was left was a pen. I picked it up and handed it to her. As I raised my head, I caught a glimpse of the woman for the first time. She had creamy pale skin, which came in contrast with her dark red lips, or her black hair, which was sternly gathered in a tight bun. It was quite a pity considering how beautiful she was.

"Your pen." I said handing it to her on an open palm. She took it, and the both of us straightened up.

I meant to turn around and be on my way, my father was waiting for me at the office after all, but the mysterious woman was giving me a funny look, which made me unable to move away from her. We therefore stayed in silence looking at each other for a long time.

She thoughtfully rolled her pen between her fingers before handing it to me. With what I would later on get to know as her trademark cocky smirk, she told me "My name is Kagura Kaze, and you should keep that pen. After all it will come in handy to write down my number."

"Sesshoumaru Tashio." I in turn introduced myself with a nod. "Why exactly would I write your number down Miss Kaze?" I added, even if I had a small idea of what she would answer. My words made her laugh at loud.

"Call me Kagura. Well Sesshoumaru, you will buy me dinner since you have to make it up to me for almost making me fall in the middle of the street."

I was not surprised to hear her say. However she shocked me when she boldly took a hold of my hand and quickly scribbled down her number on the palm of it. No woman, or man if he wanted to keep his head on his shoulder, had dared touch me like this without my permission.

"Bye Sessh, I'll be expecting your call." She said and in the blink of an eye she was gone.

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I had not expected to see the woman again. I did not even want to call her back, but for some reason I did. At first I tried blaming my compliance to her request on the fact that I hated the feeling of having someone, especially a woman, get away with talking to me with so little respect. In only a few minutes of interaction she had managed to not only mock me, but also give me _orders_. Not to mention that she thought she had me all figured out. I of course felt I had to prove her wrong.

Now, years later after much reflection on the matter, I guess the reason why I called her is that I was bored, and knew she would be a nice distraction. And a good distraction Kagura surely was. To my dismay one simple dinner invitation, was followed by another date, and another until she had managed to completely worm herself in my life, and the two of us were an official couple.

Not only did the two of us look great on paper: Kagura was a young, beautiful, successful, and daring attorney on the rise in one of the city's top law firms, and I was the promising heir to one of the largest accounting firms. But we also were great together. Strangely despite our little arguments due to the stark differences in our personalities and behavior, things were going very smoothly between us.

I should have known then that no one could be this happy, or everything this perfect. Something bad was bound to happen…

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Despite the fact that Kagura and I had been seeing each other for quite some time, and that she had practically moved into my apartment, I only found out about her 'secret condition' later in our relationship, and by total accident.

I remember the morning things started to change. I had just woken up, and to my surprise, and disappointment saw that my bed was empty. Usually, Kagura loved lounging around in bed, and I practically had to drag her forcefully out of the sheets to get her to get up in the morning and go to work.

"Kagura?" I asked sitting up in bed. I glanced towards the alarm clock on my night stand and frowned when I realized it only read five fifteen. I once more called my girlfriend's name, but not getting any answer I stood up and walked out of my bedroom.

"What are you doing?" I asked Kagura just as I flicked the living room lights on. She had been standing in the mostly darkened kitchen, doing something I could not tell.

"Geez you scared the hell out of me!" She gasped resting a quivering hand over her chest. "I didn't know you were going to wake up now, it's still pretty early. Just give me a second and I'll be back in bed." She told me before opening a bottle of pills and taking out two of them.

"What are these?" I frowned walking towards her. I could not help but worry, considering the large amount of pills she had on her. As far as I knew, Kagura had no health problems. What worried me the most was a feeling I could not shake. The fact that Kagura was hiding from me to take those mysterious pills meant she was hiding something serious. How right I was…

"Just pills…" She trailed off swallowing them quickly with a large glass of water.

As Kagura walked past me, I supposed to put her pills back in her purse, I stopped her by taking a hold of her elbow.

"What are you doing?" She asked me rolling her eyes in annoyance.

"Kagura why won't you tell me what these are for?" I asked her trying to will her to see that I was only worried about her well being. Her reluctance to speak was only making me more anxious.

She sighed and easily shrugged the hold I had on her. She looked down, which surprised me. From the moment I met her, she had never looked ashamed or afraid to speak her mind.

"What is it? What is wrong?" I asked my girlfriend gently caressing her soft cheek.

Kagura took a deep breath and looked up to stare into my eyes. I was shocked to see she had budding tears in her crimson eyes.

"I'm sick… I've had a heart problem ever since my birth. My heart doesn't work like it should. Unfortunately it's not operable, and thanks to my dad I have a super rare blood type, so a heart transplant is practically out of the question. I've been on the waiting list for years, and it's not looking good. All I can do is take these freaking pills every day, and hope for the best." She said staring straight in my golden eyes.

"Why did you not tell me sooner?" I asked her, anger present in my voice despite how much I was straining not to let my emotions out. I was just really shocked she could have kept something so important from me. Had we not been together long enough for her to share such crucial information? The idea that something might have happened to her heart, and I would not have been able to do anything because she had not told me about her 'secret' unnerved me.

"When was I supposed to do that? After our first date, or before our first night together? I tried that before and I've been dumped. I'm really sorry I lied to you, but I really didn't want to lose you. Of all the men I've been with, you're the only one I've ever felt so strongly about. I'd like to see you try, but revealing you have a defective heart is not an easy thing to tell the person you love." She said clenching her fists in anger before stomping towards my bedroom. Unsure on how to react, I simply followed her in silence.

"What are you doing?" I asked Kagura. She was frantically taking out some of the clothes she had left in my closet. Her reaction did not surprise me entirely. I knew Kagura was quite an impetuous woman, who often times reacted out of anger rather than thinking things through.

"Obviously I'm putting some clothes on. I don't think my presence is very desirable here right now, so I'll take a hike." She spat angrily, not bothering to turn around to look at me.

"What are you talking about? Do you seriously think that because of your heart condition I will break up with you? Give me more credit." I growled angry she could think otherwise. I figured I was allowed to have been a little surprised by her sudden news, but did she have to get this mad at me for my reaction?

"Are you sure? You do realize this…" She trailed off before turning around, a hand placed over her heart. "Will always be here. It's true that with medical advances and stuff I should be able to live a normal life, but you never know. I wouldn't blame you if you were to realize you can't handle it. It's not like you'd be the first one." She told me with a small sad smile.

"Do not be ridiculous. As if your heart condition mattered. When I decide to do something, I stick to it." I stated. I was a little disappointed she had not realized this trait of my character. At the time I thought knowing about Kagura's condition would not change things between us; I figured it would actually make the situation safer because she would not have to hide from me to take her pills. Despite my positive outlook, I could not help but ask her, trying to hide my concern. "Are you going to be alright?"

"Yes there's nothing to be worried about. Since you decided you want to stay with me, there's something else you should know. Just because I told you about my heart, you better not start treating me like a sick old crippled lady. Got it?!" She chuckled walking towards me with a gentle smile on her lips. Her remark made me scoff. Even if I worried, she should know me enough to realize I would not show it.

"Is there anything else I should know about you?" I asked her.

"No nothing. Maybe except that despite myself I've really fallen madly in love with you." She answered with a bright smile. Once she reached me, Kagura encircled me in a tight hug. I could not help but pay careful attention to the sound of her beating heart. I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard its beating's usual normal seeming tempo. It was hard for me to grasp that something was wrong with this apparently normal organ.

Deciding not to ponder too much on Kagura's sudden revelation, I decided to push away the problem. Kagura was right; I should not let her sudden revelation change the way I saw her. There was nothing other than the feelings we had for each other that mattered.

To show to the woman in front of me that I was not going to let go of her because of what she told me, I returned her embrace and leaned towards her ear to breathe two words. "Marry me." I myself was surprised by the words that had come out of my mouth, but strangely I did not regret them. There was no other woman from Kagura I could ever think spending the rest of my life with.

"What did you say?" She asked me in shock as she looked up at me with big round crimson eyes. "Do you really mean it?"

"When have I ever said something I did not mean?" I asked her resisting against the smirk that threatened to appear on my lips.

"Never." She answered pouncing on me eagerly. The force of the impact made me stagger backwards, and the two of us ended up on my bed in a messy heap. Kagura laughed eagerly as she pressed kisses all over my face, muttering soft "I love you's."

Even if I did not answer to her declaration of love , she knew I felt the same, so there was no need to speak the words. In any case I always thought that actions spoke louder than words.

"Since you didn't give me a big diamond ring, you'll have to give me something else in return. If you were to call in sick at work and stay in bed with me all morning long, then maybe I'll forgive you…" She trailed off a seductive smirk on her lips. Aiming to prove to me she really meant what she said Kagura straddled my hips.

"A marriage proposal and a morning in bed? You are too greedy. Sometimes you can't have it all." I joked gently nipping her chin. At the time I had no idea how true this would turn out to be.

"Oh shush it! You're wrong. If you work hard, you can have all you want." She informed me before returning some of the ministrations I had given her. "Proof is I've got you, the most amazing fiancé, and one hell of a great career. There's nothing else I could ever want." She smiled at me.

Instead of answering her I reversed our position, and hovered over Kagura with the intention of making her regret every mocking word she had said, but something occurred to me. Would 'punishing' her not be too much for her fragile heart to handle?

"Hey" She gently slapped my cheek, pulling me out of my thoughts. "That's why I didn't want to tell you about my heart. Don't worry, I'm okay. Nothing will happen to me. If I managed to handle sex before, just because you found out about my heart, it doesn't mean I won't be able to anymore." Kagura said a gentle smile on her lips.

I knew she was right, but I could not help but worry. Could I be blamed? She after all was the woman I loved. Deciding that I should be reasonable, and trust Kagura, for she surely knew better than me what she could of not do, I gave in. I knew exactly what would drive my Kagura wild, so I pressed a trail of kisses on the side of her neck, just the way she liked it.

"Now that's more like it future hubby." She moaned out in pleasure. And then just like that it was the two of us. Everything was perfect, and it became so easy to forget about our troubles.

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Knowing nothing but happiness makes is easy to forget about troubles, and can make you forget about fears. At the time Kagura and I were no different. After our marriage, which thanks to my mother had been done with in record time, Kagura and I quickly adopted a routine. Back then I felt like whoever had said the first year of marriage was the hardest had not met us. Little did I know how things would change soon…

An evening I came back to work eager to spend a relaxing evening by my wife's side. I knew it would not happen as soon as I entered the brand new house we had moved in a little under a year ago. It was a gift from my father, a proof of how glad he was. To him Kagura was a gift from God since he had given up on me ever getting married.

I frowned when I entered the house and found all the lights to be turned off. On Fridays evenings Kagura usually came home before me, and she was not very fond of darkness, I figured it was due to the years she had spent living with her psychotic father Naraku. I hurried upstairs then towards our bedroom where I could hear faint sobbing sounds coming from.

My blood ran cold when I turned on the lights of the master bedroom, and saw the scene displayed in front of me. Kagura was sitting on the carpet uncontrollable sobs rocking her frame. In all the time I had known her, never had I seen Kagura in such a state. She was not one to cry, so seeing her like this terrified me. I was so shocked that it was even hard for me to figure out what to do.

"What's wrong?" I finally asked scared out of my mind. I knew Kagura had a doctor's appointment that afternoon. She had told me it was for a simple check up since she had not been feeling well lately. Despite her previous intentions to minimize her heart condition, I still feared she had received some kind of bad news from her doctor. I tried to relax reminding myself that if something bad had happened Kagura would have been sure to call me, or at least I hoped she would. The moment this occurred to me, I regretted not going with her at her appointment.

"I'm pregnant." She said wiping some fresh tears from her cheeks. I breathed a sigh of relief.

It was true that we had not really discussed the topic of children, and surely had not planned to have children this early into our marriage, but the prospect of the woman I loved carrying my child was enough to bring a happy smile to my lips. My happiness was quickly wiped away and replaced by worry once more when I realized there was no reason for Kagura to be crying over such wonderful news.

"I do not see any reason in this to warrant your tears." I told my wife, trying to get her to tell me what was really going on. I kneeled next to her searching for her eyes with mine. I knew Kagura was unable to lie to me when I stared into her crimson orbs.

"According to my doctor my heart won't be able to support the strain of a pregnancy. He advises me to get… an abor… to… terminate the pregnancy." She told me with a sob. So this was the reason for her upset; Kagura's meltdown did make sense to me now.

I gently rubbed my beloved back as I pondered on the situation. In truth as much as her having my child would be fantastic… the idea of losing Kagura was simply unbearable to me. In other words to me having a child was simply not worth risking her life.

"For when did the doctor schedule the procedure?" I asked feeling my heart sink in my chest. Even if the idea of having a child had yet to even cross my mind, now that I was presented with such a gift, losing it was hard.

Kagura suddenly struggled to get out of my embrace. She looked up at me appalled and shocked. Surprising me, she suddenly took a hold of my hand and placed it on her flat stomach.

"Damn it Sesshoumaru! People think that you're a cold insensitive jerk, but I know better. Or at least I believed I did. I thought that of all people you'd understand! I know you can't feel it yet, and neither can I, but there inside there's a little life growing. A life that's both you and me, and it's so beautiful and wonderful that I can't find words." She said using her free hand to wipe the last of her tears.

"Kagura… your life will be put at risk." I said not daring lower my gaze to where she had put my hand. I knew looking at the place where my child was growing would make my resolve crumble. Instead I looked in her crimson orbs, and seeing how swollen and red rimmed her eyes were I could tell she had been crying for a long time. I wished I could take her pain and anguish away, but as much as I hated it, I was powerless.

"Because of my damn heart all my life people have told me: Kagura you can't do this, or. Kagura you can't do that! I could stomach not being able to be on a sports team, but there's no way I will give up on having a child, _your_ child! No! I'm tired of this! I'm tired of not being able to be free and do as I damn please. Listen Sesshoumaru, I will have this baby. I will do whatever it takes, but I will birth it." Kagura said, her red eyes darkening as her sadness was replaced by anger and determination.

"Besides I'm young so there's a fifty percent chance my heart will be okay, and I'll have a completely safe pregnancy." She then explained with a confident smile, staring up in my eyes.

"There is also a _fifty_ percent chance things will go badly." I said not masking my concern.

"Why do you always see the glass as half empty? Be optimistic for a change, and see it half full. I know what I'm doing, so have faith in me. Also I'm a lucky lady. After all how many people get to meet the love of their life, and be as happy as I am with you?" She chuckled before pressing a kiss to my lips. I could tell that she had made her mind, and only trying to talk her against it would make things worse.

"Listen to me, and listen carefully. If we do this, you have to promise to abide to whatever your doctor says. Am I understood?" I asked her gravely. I decided then and there that if we were to go through with this pregnancy, we would work together, and with the help of her doctors.

"Yes yes! I promise. Whatever you want my love. Sesshoumaru, we're going to be parents." She said happily enveloping my torso in a tight hug, which I happily returned.

Kagura's confidence and happiness had managed to pass on to me, and at the time I was persuaded everything would go perfectly because we willed it to be. I could imagine a beautiful future with both the woman I loved, and a child born of our love.

At the time I smiled happily, little did I know how soon this smile was going to turn sour.

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For the following five months Kagura's pregnancy went on perfectly. Better than we could have all expected, to even her doctor's amazement. She of course saw it as a sign of fate that everything would go well. I can still remember how every night she would smile, wishing me a good night, while caressing the little bump that was our child. Even if I never showed it, or let her know, every time I closed my eyes, and held her close waiting for sleep to take us, I always silently prayed that I would wake up to find my wife as healthy as the previous night.

From this time a specific night will always stand out for me. Ever since Kagura had told me about her heart condition, a little over a year ago, no matter how much I tried to find out more, she never wished to discuss it.

"You know, when I was first diagnosed I was three years old. Cardiac malformation was the diagnostic. The docs told my parents that I had no chance of living a long fulfilling life. Obviously they were wrong. Not only did those drugs made sure I'd be able to live long, but now I also have the two of you." She chuckled placing our joined hands on her stomach before setting herself more comfortably against the pillows of our bed.

"I hope you don't think I'm being selfish" She suddenly said, taking me completely by surprise.

I was not entirely sure how she meant her words, so I asked her "What are you referring to?"

"I'm talking about wanting this baby so much, whatever it may cost... I'm not trying to be unfair to you; I just want to be happy. There's nothing wrong with going after what makes you happy, right? The again I shouldn't be asking you Mr. Go getter." She teased me referring to my forward attitude in business. Could I be blamed for wanting my firm to be on top?

"I'm just grateful I was able to make such joyous memories with you. I wouldn't give that up for anything. That's really all I could ask for. After all great memories are the most precious things someone could ever want to have. No matter how horrible things may seem to you, if you have wonderful memories to think back to; everything will suddenly seem much brighter. You only live once, so you better make the most of it." Kagura sighed happily.

Her words surprised me. Still today I wonder if she had foreshadowed what was to happen. At the time I simply could not stand her saying anything pessimistic. I esteemed I worried enough for the two of us, not to mention that Kagura's doctors had advised her against any form of stress.

"You do realize that we have even more beautiful memories to make?" I asked her, turning to my side to look at her.

"Of course…" She smiled before suddenly gasping. "Did you feel that? Damn seems like our little Rin is being quite feisty tonight." Kagura added with a chuckle, her crimson eyes lowered to her midsection, where our child had just made his or her presence known by delivering her mother a little kick.

"Rin?" I questioned. I wondered where in the hell she had come up with such an awful name.

"You don't like it? This is perfect for our little girl."

"The ultrasound has yet to reveal the sex of the baby." I gently reminded Kagura, hoping to make her thoughts stray from that ridiculous name.

"Do not question my feminine intuition. I _know_ that our baby _is_ a girl, and we _will_ name her _Rin_." She said on a decisive tone, the same one she used when she did not wish to talk about something anymore.

"Not if I have a say in it. Rin Tashio? It sounds horrible." I scoffed truly appalled. I had no idea how Kagura had come up with such a name, but I wanted her to forget about it and fast.

"Actually the full name would be Rin _Kaze_ Tashio, and you will warm up to it by the time our baby girl is born." Kagura informed me lying back against me. "If you wish to change my mind, you know you have to give me something in return…" She then trailed off, crimson eyes lit in glee.

"You know the doctor recommended against having sex." I stated. I knew my wife, and I was aware of what she wanted 'in return.'

"Ugh! I know. I know. It's just been a while that's all." She pouted.

"Only four months left." I gently reminded her before pressing a little kiss to her creamy neck.

"Yes and after that we'll never be alone again." Kagura beamed momentarily closing her eyes in content.

"What do you mean?" I asked slightly confused.

"Well you should know me well enough to realize I wouldn't try hitting on any guy who bumps into me. The reason I had you ask me out that day was… your eyes. They seemed so lonely, the same way I felt at the time. There is nothing worse than feeling as if you're alone. I hope our child will never know what loneliness is…" She explained a misty faraway look in her eyes.

I was not entirely sure how Kagura knew, but it was true. Before she entered my life, even though I was surrounded by my friends and family, I was lonely. It is a feeling hard to explain, but I knew she understood me. That realization only made me love her more.

"That will not happen." I said, and I meant it. With both Kagura and I by his or her side, there was no reason for our child to ever feel loneliness.

"I hope so." Kagura smiled before inching forward to press her lips to mine in a kiss.

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Now that Kagura was seven months pregnant, even if she hated it, she was on complete bed rest. Since she was too stubborn and loving of her independence, she of course despite my insistence, refused to have us hire a private nurse. Unfortunately it was impossible for me to work completely from home, and I could not have Kagura's friends Kagome, Yura or Sango come over all the time, so I had to leave her alone at home for the most time. On the other hand I have to admit that to my surprise my wife had been pretty well behaved, apart from a few distinct episodes I can still recall.

The first one had taken place only the day after Kagura had been instructed not to leave our bed. Concerned that she might feel a little lonely, I had decided to drop by home during my lunch break. To my surprise none other than her assistant Jakotsu was by her bedside frantically taking notes. It of course did not take me long to get rid of him, and to make Kagura, who was supposed to have completely stopped working, promise to delegate all the cases she was working on. Her doctors had prescribed a stress free environment, and working on legal cases did not fit into that category.

The second incident took place when my wife had the brilliant idea to try to decorate our daughter's nursery. Thankfully for Kagura I was working in my study, and managed to intervene before she had the time to hurt herself in any way. Well after the incident I was forced to spend the rest of my day painting the walls of the nursery in a light shade of pink. I had to do this under Kagura's supervision at a distance. Even from another room my wife still had found a way to spy on my every movement, and complain loudly if anything did not go accordingly to the perfect dreamy pink room she had envisioned for our daughter. I guess I have to thank whoever invented webcams and laptops…

To this day I still think it was Kagura's way of punishing me for doubting her female intuition, and not believing as she had told me, that our child would indeed be a girl. I remember the day the ultrasound confirmed her hunch vividly, Kagura smirked with an 'I told you so' expression stupidly plastered on her face for at least three days.

Those two incidents were nothing in comparison to what happened an afternoon I came home early to find Kagura quite busy in our bedroom.

"What are you doing?" I asked her observing with surprise the mix of photographs, pieces of papers and odd objects splayed over our bed. I frowned when I saw that even the veil my mother had given Kagura to wear on our wedding day was on our blue comforter. Since it was a family heirloom, I knew for a fact that my wife had promised to cherish it and be extremely careful with it.

"You're home early." Kagura said a fake smile on her lips. I could easily see through her, and guessed whatever she was doing she did not want me to know.

"You did not answer this Sesshoumaru's question." I reminded her walking to our bed.

"It's nothing. It's just a little project of mine…" Kagura answered averting her crimson gaze from mine.

"What is this _project_?!" I asked. After giving another glance at the items surrounding Kagura, everything fit into place in my mind. Pictures of the time we had spent dating, of our friends and family, and of course of our wedding mixed in with items that meant much to Kagura. Things like her wedding veil, a ridiculous stuff toy she had forced me to get her during a date, and even the golden necklace Kagura's mother had given her when she was just a child. What really worried me was the opened and decorated wooden box lying in the middle of everything.

"Do not tell me it is what I think it is!" I could not help but growl feeling a surge of anger running through me. "Kagura whatever you are doing, you will stop immediately!" I ordered.

"You do know you can't order me to do anything, right?" She asked throwing me a glare.

"Is this a bet you are willing to make?" I asked her doing my best to calm down my anger.

"You've got to understand. I need this; I have to do this memory box. It's just a precaution. If something happens to me, I want our daughter to get to know me through me, not through whatever people may tell her." Kagura explained looking up at me pleadingly with her bright red eyes. She must have noticed my anger because she sighed heavily before adding on a comforting tone.

"Don't worry, it doesn't mean I'll give up and will just let myself go. I have every intention to raise a healthy baby with you. After all I don't plan on leaving you alone on diaper duty. I want to see Rin grow up, and I want to have tons of other babies with you. Don't start sweating, it would be by adoption. I just love large families, remember that I do have seven siblings…" She let out a small chuckle, trying to dispel the tense atmosphere between us.

I was aware arguing with Kagura would do no good. In any case a part of me knew she was right. After all I was a cool headed and rational person, and as such realized that as much as I did not want things to go badly, they could, and we needed to be ready. Not to mention that I did not relish scolding her, or getting into an argument as the added stress really would not help in Kagura's delicate condition…

Even if I struggled against it, a part of me could understand where Kagura was coming from. In that moment I understood that I was not the only one terrified by what could happen. After all Kagura _was_ the one whose life was at risk, she was the one who might not survive to see our child live… The fact that this had not even occurred to me sickened me. How could I have been so selfish and consumed by my own fears that I had not even considered how truly terrified _she_ must have been?! Kagura was a strong woman, and it was therefore not uncommon for her to hide her worries, but I guessed that the making of this memory box was a way for her to feel better, to feel ready for whatever might happen. I therefore decided to help her.

"You are not putting this picture inside that box of yours. It should have been destroyed years ago." I said taking a hold of an offending photograph that had been taken by Kagome, my sister in law, when my younger brother had dragged us all to play bowling. That idiotic Inuyasha had then managed to snap a picture of me without me realizing it. Needless to say I was not happy.

"Oh come on, you looked so focused when making that strike, it's so cute. You really do take everything _so_ seriously." Kagura mocked me with a grin. I scoffed and got ready to tear the awful picture in two.

"Don't!" She interrupted me, sending a sharp glare in my direction. "You are no fun. Here I'll trade that cute picture for this." She said taking from her side table a round pink purplish item. "It's a gift from Kagome called a Shikon jewel. According to her gramps the crazy old priest, it's supposed to be able to fulfill a person's wish. I figured that since you've been so tensed you might as well have it. In exchange I get to keep that picture." Kagura said slipping the troublesome picture from my fingers and handing me the round item.

"Silly superstitions." I mocked rolling the Shikon jewel between my fingers.

"You never know. There's quite a long story about demons and stuff linked to it. Well I could tell it to you while you help me finish Rin's box of memories." She chuckled gently.

"I am sure you meant our, who has yet to be named, daughter's possible future, but unlikely box, right?" I asked offering Kagura a look, daring her to say otherwise.

"Indeed" Kagura mocked me mirroring my voice. I rolled my eyes at her tasteless joke, to which she responded by bumping her shoulder against mine.

"You've got to loosen up and be funnier. Now what do you think about this picture, or are you going to veto it too?" She teased me dangling in front of me a photograph taken during a surprise birthday party she had thrown me.

"Let me see…" I trailed off inspecting the photograph closer. I raised my head when I felt Kagura reach over to her side table. I only saw her drink some water while holding a bottle of pills.

"These are not your prenatal vitamins…" I trailed off tilting my head to have a closer look at the bottle of pills she had just quickly swallowed down. I frowned when I saw that they were none other than the heart medication she had been prescribed if she ever felt like her heart was acting up.

She must have noticed my upset because Kagura quickly explained. "Nothing to be worried about, but I've just had some heart palpitations since this morning. The doctor did say it wouldn't be unusual, and that if it happened to only take my pills. Not to mention that I've had these types of palpitations so many times since I was a kid that I'm used to it." She shrugged trying to downplay whatever she was feeling.

That may have been, but when she had these palpitations Kagura was certainly not seven months pregnant. In other words, try as she might I was not buying her minimization of things.

"Get your coat and shoes we are going to the hospital and I am not taking no for an answer." I growled angry Kagura had not told me before she was feeling unwell. I almost slapped myself for not realizing sooner that it was probably her palpitations that had given Kagura the idea of making a memory box for our daughter. Would they not be a clear reminder of what could go wrong with her pregnancy?

"I didn't tell you because I knew you'd get upset and scared, and would probably drag me to the hospital when there's no reason to worry." My wife sighed in exasperation even if she did follow my orders.

"Better be safe than sorry." I reminded her, making sure she understood there was no place for an argument on the matter.

Luckily Kagura was right, but as a precaution her cardiologist did order her to have a weekly ECG until the birth of our child to make sure her heart was doing well enough. Well there was also the fact that I intimidated the old man, and probably scared the life out of him. Not to mention that the ECG was my idea. I figured it would help, and since I was paying for the treatment, her old doctor had no objections. I had always found the old man quite greedy even if he was the best cardiologist in the city…

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When you are in the lead, and the finish line is in sight, it is so easy to think that you will win the race. I felt no different when Kagura finally reached 34 weeks of pregnancy. After giving things much thought, her doctors had scheduled a C-section for the following week. They were all truly surprised my wife had been able to carry our child full term, but we shouldn't have been surprised, Kagura was a strong woman after all... Feeling less worried, I happily counted the days to the birth of our daughter, looking forward to the end of our worries. We were so close that I thought things would work out in the end, how wrong I was…

Only three days before the procedure that would bring our daughter into this world, in the middle of the night I was suddenly awoken by someone frantically shaking me. I luckily have always been a light sleeper, so I woke up easily. I sat up in bed and turned on my side lamp to look at Kagura, who was obviously the one to have woken me up.

I had a hard time hiding my concern when I noticed how flushed she looked, or how her skin seemed clammy. My fingers brushed her burning skin when I smoothed back her bangs stuck to her sweaty forehead.

"We need to go to the hospital; my chest feels like it's on fire." Kagura struggled to let out with her labored breathing, her hand clutching at her chest as if she was in great pain.

I quickly bolted out of the bed, and we were on our way to the hospital in record time. I had only taken the time to follow her doctor's recommendations in the case of such an occurrence; namely giving Kagura three of her heart pills, and calling both her cardiologist and obstetrician before heading to the hospital.

As I drove I gave my wife several glances, and was relieved to see that the pills seemed to have worked. The redness on Kagura's face had diminished, and her breathing evened out, she did not seem to be in much pain any more either. I was aware that the last symptom I would have a harder time to gauge since knowing my wife she would rather hide her pain than have me worried.

"Sesshoumaru." Kagura suddenly spoke when we were but blocks away from the hospital. I was startled by her voice since I was too focused on my driving and had been so intent on getting us to the emergency room as fast as possible.

"If they ask you to make a choice… promise me you'll tell them to save the baby." Kagura said softly looking away from me. I was shocked she could ask such a thing of me.

"Did you not promise me not to give up? To live through the birth of our child?" I reminded her, feeling fear spread through my body.

"If I'm unable to keep my promise… I want you to keep yours. When we got married you said you'd do everything to make me happy. Knowing that our little girl will have a long beautiful life makes me happy." Kagura said resting her hand on her swollen stomach.

She rolled her head to the side and looked at me before raising her head to gently caress my cheek.

"Don't look so upset. There's no need to worry, I haven't lost my mind, nor my drive to make everything go my way yet." She said care freely, as if she had not just asked something impossible from me.

"So I'm still waiting for that promise of yours…" She trailed off, her crimson eyes locked on me.

As hard as I tried I could not do what she asked of me. The idea of even having to make a choice between my wife and my daughter was unbearable to me.

"We have arrived." Was all I could say as I parked my car in the hospital's emergency parking. If Kagura was disappointed by my lack of answer, she did not show it.

"Here you almost forgot your good luck charm." She smiled at me, placing that Shikon jewel she wanted to give me in my hand before pressing a chaste kiss to my lips. "Whatever happens, I will always love you." She then said with a brilliant smile, her eyes glinting like rubies, void of fear or concern.

I understood what she intended to do; this moment might be our last chance to share our feelings, we after all had no way of knowing what the future might hold. Dropping my icy veneer, I returned her smile and gently whispered back for the first time in my life "I love you too." As much as I hated displays of affection, I found this one to be warranted.

"Let us go." I instructed resting a comforting hand to the back of Kagura's head before giving her forehead a gentle kiss.

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As soon as we arrived at the emergency room, Kagura's doctors whisked her away. They needed to perform the C-section immediately because her heart could not seem to handle the strain of the pregnancy for any longer.

Despite how silly I found superstitions to be, I could not help but hold on tightly to the rounded wish jewel Kagura had given me. I needed to anchor myself to something to help me stay sane and calm; never in my life had I been so scared. I may not have been a spiritual person, but I promised that if everything went well for both Kagura and the baby, I would work on being the best husband and father I could be.

I stayed in the waiting room for what seemed to be forever. I simply could not bring myself to call our friends or family members. Only thinking about their concerned faces and teary eyes sickened me. Their 'love and support' was the last thing I could need at the moment.

After several hours, my wife's doctor came out, a somber face on his face. I could already tell that something had gone wrong by the way he looked.

"I am sorry Mr. Tashio. We tried all we could, but your wife passed away. Her heart just let go. We tried reanimating her but it did not work, and…."

I simply could not listen to whatever explanations he could give me. All I could think about was that Kagura, the only woman I had ever loved was gone... She was dead.

Instead of pain the only emotion I could register was anger. I was angry at Kagura for not keeping her promise and leaving me behind. I was angry at myself for even allowing to have fallen in love to begin with. I should have known it would have ended up badly. As I thought love was a useless emotion; it only caused pain and anger. Why would fate play such prank on me? Letting me know happiness before taking it away so cruelly.

I crushed that damned useless jewel in my fist, channeling in it all the fury I felt. How I wished I had never met Kagura. That would have been a sure way to take my pain away. I was so angry I could swear my vision had turned red. Aiming to calm down slightly I closed my golden orbs and breathed deeply.

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When I opened my eyes I strangely was not in the hospital's emergency room. It was day time and I was not far away from my work place. To my dismay I felt a sense of déjà vu, and as I quickly looked around me and at myself, I understood why; I was back to that Tuesday morning I had met Kagura.

One again I found myself walking on the street walk to get to the office in time, and not really paying attention to my surroundings, when I bumped into someone. I looked up and was only mildly surprised to see that it was none other than my Kagura.

Just like the first time, our difference in stature during the impact made me stagger, but she almost fell backwards. I did not want her to get hurt, so I reached for her with my hand, and prevented her from falling.

Just like last time, despite my intervention, her hand bag managed to fall on the street walk and scatter around its contents. This time contrary to our first meeting, I kept on walking, not sparing her a glance.

"Stupid silver haired stuck-up asshole." I heard the woman who would now never become my wife mutter under her breath as she crouched to gather around all the items that had fallen from her handbag. I kept on walking, completely ignoring her, even if it broke my heart to do so. Wouldn't my life be better now that I would never know the pain of losing Kagura? Wouldn't I be able to now live a long fulfilling and happy life?

At each step I took away from her, I felt less and less convinced it would be so.

_"I'm just grateful I was able to make such joyous memories with you. I wouldn't give that up for anything. That's really all I could ask for. After all great memories are the most precious things someone could ever want to have. No matter how horrible things may seem to you, if you have wonderful memories to think back to; everything will suddenly seem much brighter. You only live once, so you better make the most of it."_ I remembered Kagura's words, and everything suddenly made sense to me.

She was right. The happiest times of my life were the ones I spent by her side, as short as they were. I would not want never to have known her, or for Kagura to forget me. In fact as hard as I tried, I could simply not imagine a life without her.

I turned around and saw Kagura's feather ornamented bun going away from me. I hurriedly walked back towards her, ignoring the protests of the people I was pushing around to reach her.

I tapped on her shoulder before saying on the warmest tone I could ever remember using. "Excuse me. I believe you dropped this."

I pitifully could not find anything better to do than quickly fishing a pen from one of my coat pockets. With a frown she took the pen from me, but she could not prevent a grin from appearing on her face when she took a closer look 'her' pen.

"My my so we're not being indifferent all of a sudden? I've got to admit that's quite a creative pick up line. As I'm sure you're aware, no, that's not _my_ pen, considering that I am not a part of the…" Kagura interrupted herself to read the words written on the side of the pen I had just handed her. "The Tashio accounting group." She then let out a hearty laughter, truly amused by the situation.

She thoughtfully rolled the pen between her fingers before handing it to me. With that trademark cocky smirk of hers I loved so much on her red lips.

"Well Mr. Tashio, the accountant, how about you take your pen and write down my number? I'll be waiting for your call regarding a dinner invitation. You do owe me a dinner in compensation for not being very gentleman-esque back there." She laughed her beautiful crimson eyes lit in glee.

I could not help but return her smile earnestly as I let her scribble down her number on the palm of my hand.

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"Mr. Tashio?" I heard someone call my name several times. I looked down and saw none other than Kagura's doctor.

I then realized I was back in the emergency room, or had I even left it? I had a hard time concentrating and felt as if in a cloud. Never before then could I have thought the term out of body experience would ever apply to me. I was still trying to come back to my sense, so despite the doctor's incessant chatter, I did not listen to him until he said something that really got my attention.

"If you feel ready you can see your daughter now. She's a healthy baby girl. We still have to perform some additional tests, but I am fairly sure she will not have the same heart condition your wife had." The old man said with a saddened smile. "I truly am sorry for you loss, and…

"I want to see my daughter now." I breathed out interrupting him before I even realized it.

Only a few minutes later I was seated in the nursery of the hospital a tiny bundle in my arms. I looked down at the baby placed in a pink blanket, and a smiled appeared on my lips when I noticed how beautiful our little girl looked.

Since I thankfully had never been asked by the doctors to choose between Kagura and the baby, I never had to fulfill the promise she wanted me to give her. On the other hand there was a promise I had made my wife a few months ago that I would be glad to uphold.

"As long as I shall breathe, you will never know loneliness." I vowed looking down at my daughter. She rewarded my words by slightly cracking her eyes open to look at me. I looked up from the baby when I felt a sudden light wind touch me.

"Hum what a strange breeze." I heard a feminine voice say behind me. "Did daddy pick a name yet?" The woman who was a nurse wearing festive teddy bear adorned green scrubs asked me with a bright smile as she appeared in my field of vision.

"Rin Kaze Tashio." I answered once more looking down in my daughter's eyes.

"That's a very beautiful name for such a pretty baby girl." The nurse smiled appreciatively.

"Indeed." I agreed looking down at the baby who had closed her eyes and let sleep take her over.

Yes, I was sad, hurt and devastated. Yes, I would probably never recover from losing the woman I loved in such a horrible and unfair way, but in that instant I promised myself I would never let Rin suffer from losing her mother. I would do everything in my power to give her everything she could ever want, and by doing so I knew I would honor Kagura's memory.

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The more Rin grew up, the more she resembled her mother. Not only had our daughter inherited Kagura's dark mane, but even if her eyes were a dark brown, they had a reddish hue to it, another clear trait from her mother. Their resemblance did not stop at the physical appearance. Anyone who ended up on my daughter's bad side would soon and easily find out that when it comes to her awful temper, Rin was definitely Kagura's daughter.

"So what do you think?" Rin asked nervously her dark eyes looking up at me in expectation.

"Beautiful." I only answered nodding in her direction.

"Thanks daddy." She beamed at me her fingers automatically going to her neck where the necklace Kagura had placed in the box of memories so long ago. I knew Rin only played with the golden chain when she was nervous, so I decided to help quell her fears.

"There is no reason for you to worry. I would not allow Kohaku to have gotten close to you if I had not found him worthy of you." I said trying to comfort my daughter.

"I'm not concerned about that. I love Kohaku and I know we'll be happy together. Dad it's you I'm worried about. I just don't want you to be alone in that big house. Well since you don't want to move in with us, maybe you should move in with Uncle Inuyasha and Aunt Kagome? I'm sure they wouldn't mind, and you wouldn't be lonely then." Rin said looking at me with saddened eyes.

Despite her twenty four years of age, my daughter had kept her child like nature, and was convinced that by using her doe eyes she would be able to make me agree to whatever she wanted. Unfortunately for her, she had not counted on the fact that the technique had ceased to work when she had turned ten years old.

"Do not worry about me. I will be alright, besides today is your day, and you should not be thinking about anything else from your happiness." I reminded her rearranging her veil slightly. "You look like your mother the day of our wedding."

"Really? I'm so glad." Rin chuckled happily looking at herself in the mirror with a smile. I could not prevent a smile from appearing on my own lips.

"Feh! Hey are you two ready already? I think Kohaku is about ready to fucking breakdown in front of the altar. I guess he's worried Rin won't make it because of her old man." Inuyasha joked as he peeked inside the room the soon to be bride had been getting ready in.

"Well Uncle Inuyasha you know that's only because dad said he wouldn't let me get married. I bet Kohaku is convinced daddy kidnapped me." Rin laughed smiling at me.

"It appears I changed my mind." I retorted taking a hold of Rin's elbow, getting ready to give her away.

I could clearly remember my anger when Rin's boyfriend had asked me for her hand in marriage. I have to admit that I at first had been very upset at the prospect of having my daughter leave me. Even if she was her own woman now, I would always see her as a little girl.

"By the way little girl don't go around giving ideas to people. Just so you know I would _never_ let that bastard of your father move in with me. We already shared a roof for fifteen years, and it was enough for a _lifetime_!" My younger half brother grumbled as he turned around to leave the room. "If you don't want your old man to get lonely then you should start making babies or get him a puppy…" Inuyasha added before disappearing quickly for his own safety.

"You two are hopeless. I guess you'll never get along, but please dad don't kill uncle the day of my wedding, okay?" Rin asked with a chuckle. She had always been able to read me easily, so I was sure she could tell that for his comment I had entertained the idea of running my hand through Inuyasha's chest.

"Instead of speaking nonsense you should get moving. You do have a groom waiting for you."

"Oh well I guess arguing with Uncle Inuyasha will distract you from living alone in that big _empty _house." Rin pouted unhappy at still not being able to make me change my mind. The two of us started walking together towards the altar.

My daughter's antics amused me, but as much as she wanted, I was not going to change my mind. It may be hard for her to understand, but I had every intention to spend the rest of my life in the house I had spent my married years with Kagura, and raised my daughter. Not to mention that I would enjoy some rest, quiet and tranquility. Not to say I had not enjoyed raising my daughter very much. It was just that she was quite a hyperactive person, which had proved to make raising her tiresome.

Once we reached my future son in law, I placed Rin's hand into Kohaku's. As I took my place among the neatly arranged wedding party, I felt a small wind caress my hair. Since the church was supposed to be completely closed, I was at first surprised, but I smirked as its signification came to my mind. It was after all not the first time I had felt its soft caress on my skin. I knew then and there that Kagura was by side and that as usual she was watching over Rin and me.

As she wished for it, from now on Kagura and I would get to see our daughter make beautiful memories of her own.

**THE END**

A/N: I know it was sad, but I hope you still liked it. When Sesshoumaru heard of what happened to Kagura, whether he actually traveled back in time with the help of the Shikon jewel, or not is up to your own imagination :)

I hope this one shot wasn't too weird, and that you enjoyed it!


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